One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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