i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize