the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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