barbara walters just said penis...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
