DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
