I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
