I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize