i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
