it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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