Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
should my penis look like a turkey
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize