I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
