After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
