Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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