I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
