I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
