You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
