how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
