I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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