She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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