Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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