oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
