Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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