It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
