my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
