im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
