Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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