bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
