He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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