i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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