i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
