I puked a lego.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
only you would photoshop your dick
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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