Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
