we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
