I faked an abortion last night.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
