White coat. Heels.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
