OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
