He kissed a someone with a penis
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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