if i died would you start the facebook group?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
