just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
