you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
