does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
