I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
