Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
