We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
