She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This is the high leading the old right now
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
