idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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