so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
