He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
