I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
