I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
