I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize