When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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