Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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