I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
