I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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