problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
