I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
