Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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