You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
