Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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