I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
