she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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