My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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