yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
