Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
