apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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