Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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