sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
